Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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