but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize