I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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