dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
