In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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