so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize