he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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