Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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