He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's blow job season.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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