Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
