She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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