I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
