Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
