babies were throwing up all over the place
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
