you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
