We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize