I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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