Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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