let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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