Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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