that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
