my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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