A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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