oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
