Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
