Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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