I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
