How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
