Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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