Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
