I wish my penis had an off switch
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
