Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
