I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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