We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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