I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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