the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
