3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Let's get the cat blown out
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
