his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
