smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
