I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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