I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Drake has all the answers
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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