I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You ate ashes out of my bong
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
