You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
