i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
