so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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