I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
