Don't make out with my wife yet
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I will pee on everything he values.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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