Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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