I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
