so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
