in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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