Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Mom said you looked used
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i need some magic done to my vagina
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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