It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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