your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I will pee on everything he values.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
