I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
