honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
