Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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