The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Pooping to opera.
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