JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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