I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
