saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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