Cold hands, warm shart.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
