you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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