I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
