From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
