A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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