I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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