I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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