Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize