Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
