i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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